Tessa and Sam crawled into a room dimly lit by a couple candles. The sides of the room were lined with old-fashioned furniture such as ornate tables and matching chairs. Tessa peered into the back corner of the room, fascinated by what appeared to be a set of paintings. A thick layer of dust and cobwebs coated all of the surfaces. “Look!” whispered Sam, pointing to a wooden box that sat in the middle of the room. “I think… maybe that’s what we’re looking for.”

While all of the other objects in the room were tossed together without an obvious order, the box was isolated completely. Tessa reluctantly tore her gaze away from the paintings and looked at the box. Immediately, she noticed that the box didn’t have any dust on it. In fact, there was a small path free of dust leading up from the actual door of the room to the box. She pointed this out to Sam, speculating that perhaps the Council members occasionally came here in order to check on the contents of the box. And by the looks of it, they had been there quite recently. 

Silently grabbing Tessa’s hand, Sam started to move towards the box, dragging Tessa with him. Their progress was slow as they had no way of knowing if, or rather where, any traps were laid out. The room looked harmless but they didn’t want to take any more chances than necessary. 

As they neared the box, Tessa let out a gasp. While it had looked plain from far away, in reality it was beautifully carved and embedded with small jewels that slightly glistened in the candlelight. Sam glared at Tessa, making it clear that they needed to proceed in silence, although his eyes gave away his excitement of seeing such masterful craftsmanship. 

They reached the box, with no random spike flying out at them or trap doors opening in order to swallow them whole. Were they just lucky? Or did the Council believe that no one in Bliss would ever even dare to set foot here? Sam and Tessa looked at each other. Both of them wanted to see what was in the box and yet… it just seemed too easy. But someone had to figure it out. Someone would have to open the box. 

“Sam? Do you hear that?”

“Yeah,” replied Sam, “it sounds like wings. And they seem to be getting closer.”

“That can’t be good,” said Tessa.

At that moment, a small dragon burst through the door and dove at Tessa and Sam. Both of them dove to the floor, trying to move out of the path of the dragon. Tessa screamed as the dragon breathed out flames and the room was set alight. She started to crawl towards the tunnel, hoping that the bloodthirsty creature wouldn’t pursue them there. As she moved, she realized that Sam was reaching for the box, which had been knocked over. The dragon noticed his movements too and dove towards him. “Sam!!” screamed Tessa. 

He heard her and looking up, saw the dragon. Grabbing the box, he stood up and started to run towards Tessa, towards the tunnel. The dragon, being not as agile as Sam, took a few seconds to turn around in order to start pursuing him. It was closing in fast, it’s flames setting ablaze all of the fancy furniture that had been in the room. Tessa realized that Sam was going to get eaten if she didn’t interfere. She grabbed her dagger and threw it across the room at the dragon, desperately hoping that it wouldn’t hit Sam. The dagger sunk into one of the dragon’s wings and it let out a wail. Sam ran up to Tessa and pushed her into the tunnel, then jumped in after her. 

For a while, they just ran. While the dagger had injured the dragon, there was no telling what other kind of trap had sprung once Sam grabbed the box. The dragon must have heard Tessa’s gasp but now that the box was gone, who knew what the Council would send after them. 

Finally, Sam stopped, calling out to Tessa and letting her know that they would probably be okay now. They sat down on the dirt floor of the tunnel, leaning against the wall, trying to catch their breath. The box lay on the ground between them. Both of them knew they would eventually have to open it but neither of them were particularly keen to do so right away. “I’m sorry I lost your dagger,” whispered Tessa, leaning her head against the tunnel wall. 

“You don’t need to apologize,” replied Sam, “you literally saved my life back there. Thank you.”

“I feel bad though… It was a beautiful dagger.” After a moment of silence, she said, “We should probably open this box now. Find out the secret of Bliss perhaps.”

Sam reached for the box and carefully opened the lid. Both of them leaned in, curious to see what they had worked so hard to retrieve. Inside the box was only one item: a fairly small spoon, made out of a material that seemed to resemble silver. The handle was carved with a large variation of designs including flowers and depictions of the sun. Small stones, so small that they must have been placed there with tweezers, were set in some of these grooves, giving the appearance of colour. Words were engraved along the sides of the handle, written in a language that neither of them could understand. As they admired the craftsmanship, the spoon seemed to occasionally pulse with light.

Still looking at the spoon, Sam said, “Tessa… that spoon was made by elves. No other species could have created such delicate designs. And the material… one that is extremely difficult to work with, but is the signature material of the greatest elf creators. And it is a rare material too. I know some people would kill for it, especially with it being crafted into such a beautiful object. How it ended up in such a small village like Bliss is a mystery… but it is what we were hoping to find.”

“Sam, why do you know so much about elvish materials? To me it looks like just a normal spoon… how did you recognize it as elvish craftsmanship so quickly?”

“I haven’t been completely honest with you. Tessa, I am part elf. My dad was human but he was never actually in the picture. My mom raised me by herself in an elvish village in the mountains. My whole life I have been surrounded by elves; they taught me everything I know. I learned how to shoot a bow and arrow, how to fight with many different weapons, and the art of craftsmanship. Not only did I study the work of other elves, I also studied the different materials used and created my own artifacts. Well, I attempted to create my own artifacts. Craftsmanship was never really my strong suit.

“The elves are my family and I am eternally grateful for everything they taught me. Yet, I never felt like I fully fit in. No matter what I did, how hard I practiced or tried, I was always behind my classmates because of my human blood. So I left. When I was younger, I had heard talk of a village where everyone was accepting and happy, a village called Bliss. It was always my dream to find a place where I could be myself so I travelled, following the rumors. Honestly I was skeptical. As I told you, Bliss seemed too perfect, and at times, I doubted that it truly existed. Eventually though, I made it here and I met you.

“You stuck out to me immediately. I know that seems like such a cliche thing to say and yet, there was something different about you. Unlike everyone else, you too had that feeling that everything seemed too good. And you know the rest; here we are, two outcasts saving the world together. 

“I know I should’ve told you about my heritage earlier. I’ve wanted to, yet in all honesty, I was scared. I’ve always been looked at differently because of the blood that runs through my veins, and I wanted you to keep looking at me as though I was just another boy. I couldn’t bear the thought of you looking at me with fear or perhaps contempt because of something I couldn’t even help. I know it’s ridiculous; you were raised in a village where everyone is accepted, and you are one of the best people I have ever met. Tessa, I am truly sorry. 

“Like I said, this spoon is made with a rare material and some properties of it are unknown. I know it is of elvish make though. And I have a feeling that the elves are more tied into the secret of Bliss than we know. It just wouldn’t make sense for such a rare and beautiful artifact to be left in a village without some sort of reason. And maybe that reason is more sinister than we think…the elves can be mysterious in their goals. I want to continue to figure out this mystery with you. Please?”

8 thoughts on “The Secret of Bliss: Excerpt and Monologue

  1. Dear Alisa,
    This was a really lovely piece! I liked your descriptions, especially the one of the spoon, and after finishing Sam’s monologue, I want to snap my fingers and make the entire story from front to back appear on this page so that I can not only read about the events leading up the room but also Tessa’s reply to Sam’s monologue, and what happens after that.
    A lot of people hide certain parts of themselves in attempts to get themselves accepted into society, don’t they? The elves in this story seem somewhat suspicious, not only because that spoon was left in a village seemingly without reason, but also because Sam’s been looked at differently due to his half-elf heritage—and it doesn’t seem like a good kind of different. Plus, the sentence “I couldn’t bear the thought of you looking at me with fear or perhaps contempt because of something I couldn’t even help.” gives readers another hint, as you chose to use “fear” and “contempt” out of all the millions of words out there. Who are the elves, and why are they seemingly so feared and hated?
    The only thing I would suggest is to add a more in-depth description of the emotions that the characters are feeling. For example, during the scene with the dragon, you could write about Tessa’s pounding heart or how fear was the only thing keeping her feet moving, etc. I think doing that just makes the danger seem more real, if you know what I mean, and will also help keep the reader’s interest.
    Like I said before, this is a really interesting story! I love the idea of Bliss, and being a lover of fantasy and mythology myself, the elves caught my interest as well!
    Sincerely,
    Amy

    1. Dear Amy,
      Thank you for reading my piece! I’m glad you enjoyed it! People definitely hide aspects of themselves so I think that by writing that aspect of Sam perhaps he became a more relatable character. Thank you for your critique; I must admit that I kind of rushed this piece…next time I’ll definitely add a little more description. Like you said, it would help the reader feel more as though they are there alongside the characters. Once again thank you for reading my piece, I really appreciate it!
      Sincerely,
      Alisa

  2. Dear Alisa,
    This is an incredibly written piece! The scene with the dragon is so full of detail and action that I was clinging to the edge of my seat. The transition from your story to your monologue was so smooth and it flowed very nicely. Your descriptions throughout the story, like the room and the spoon, were so intricate I swear I could see everything right in front of me. The way you showed the fear of, for lack of a better term, exposing one’s self to others through your monologue was amazing and it was such a relatable moment any reader could empathize with. My only complaint is that there isn’t more for me to read, because this is truly wonderful work.
    Love, Kinda

    1. Dear Kinda,
      Thank you for reading my piece, I’m glad you enjoyed it! I’m happy to hear that my descriptions were clear and you found yourself able to relate to the monologue. As for your complaint – perhaps one day there will be more for you to read! 😉
      Love,
      Alisa

  3. Dear Alisa,

    This was an amazing piece to read! I believe that it was crafted so perfectly, and I only felt the sense of wanting to read more. Your story excerpt was very easy to follow along, and the amount of imagery you used to describe different parts was extremely interesting to read. My favorite line had to have been: “While it had looked plain from far away, in reality, it was beautifully carved and embedded with small jewels that slightly glistened in the candlelight”. As I was reading this line, the words flowed so smoothly and I read it over a few times because I loved the way it sounded. I would also like to mention that your title was very eye-catching to the reader.

    Again, this was a great piece! One suggestion that I would like to recommend is to watch for some grammar errors, especially with commas and periods, but that did not distract me from reading this captivating piece.

    Overall, this was a well-written piece, and I really enjoyed reading through your monologue and short story excerpt!

    Sincerely,
    Mariam

    1. Dear Mariam,
      Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m glad that you were captivated and wanted to read more. Thank you for your suggestion; I’ll take extra care to watch out for grammatical errors in the future. I’m glad you enjoyed my piece and thank you for taking the time to read it!
      Sincerely,
      Alisa

  4. Dear Alisa,

    Wow. This was such an enthralling piece mainly due to your descriptions. The tiny details added to enhance the setting or to emphasize the different emotions were greatly appreciated as a reader. I agree with the previous comment, as the seamless transition between your story and monologue truly was excellent. Speaking of your monologue, it did a great job of exposing your character to the audience in a relatable fashion.
    In terms of improvement, there are none, as I think you did a fantastic job of providing a glimpse into the world of “Bliss” by incorporating elements of action and intrigue.
    I always look forward to your work!
    Sincerely,
    Zarin

    1. Dear Zarin,
      I’m glad you enjoyed my piece! It’s nice to hear that the monologue did have an element of relatability and that the small details did their job. Thank you so much for reading my piece and for all of your kind words!
      Sincerely,
      Alisa

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